Back Into My Life
by fly-away-free
Summary: [ONE SHOT] After not seeing Harry for four years, Ginny begins to realize how stupid she's been about him. Slowly, bitterly, she moves on.


**DISCLAIMER: All characters in this story belong to JK Rowling. I own only the plot line. The first line in italics is a song by U2. The last line in the story is a popular quote from Star Wars, Episode II- Attack of the Clones.**

**A/N: Enjoy!**

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_And it's you when I look in the mirror, and it's you when I don't pick up the phone. Sometimes you can't make it on your own._

It was you. You and those damn green eyes. I didn't mean to. But I did. Fell for them. Even when I hadn't seen you in four years, I looked at you, so different from our last meeting, and I saw those cursed green eyes. They made me a wreck. We barely talked, and after four years of other men, of not thinking of you, I fell irreversibly in love.

You were gorgeous. All the girls thought so. I saw their looks of awe as I walked down the hallways. _That_ was the guy little Ginny had snagged? No. Way. Their eyes burned holes in my back, from jealousy. What did I have that they didn't?

You always invaded my thoughts. Always were there in my subconscious. They say that if you think about something enough, you never dream of it. I never dreamt of you. When I went to yell at another guy, I shouted _your _name at him by mistake. By that time I hated you. You had changed- very much so.

You used to be funny. You were kind, caring, nice, and goofy. Polite. A little mischievous, I'll admit, but never the way you are now. Always had a smile. Always made me laugh. When I saw you again after the gap of four years… my heart nearly stopped beating. You looked so different… I wasn't sure I liked the new you. But you fascinated me, which was why I was always wary of you.

You used to tease me about being scared of you. I always denied it. Because I didn't think I was. I just thought that I liked you, a lot. But now looking back I realize that it was from fear mixed with fascination that I chased after you.

I could never think of anything to say around you. Always do damn tongue-tied. I would see you talking to my friends, and they would talk back, always with a quick answer. And I was good at that, too. But not with you. With other guys, I flirted, witty remarks and comebacks fairly danced off my lips. But with you, I was always quiet.

I thought it was normal. It was human nature to be shy around someone you were crushing on, wasn't it? It _was_ normal at first, when I liked you when we were much younger. But as I met you again, those four years later, I was much more confidant. But still… no words came from my lips, it seemed. I convinced myself that it was normal.

But not to that extent. Later on, I realized that I was scared of being stupid. Of saying something that sounded dumb or ignorant around you. And now, I realize, that it wasn't just self-consciousness around you, like I had once assumed.

No. It was your fault. Your fault for changing and becoming 'cool'. Still. I was fascinated with you, and your maturity, experience.

My friends told me I was acting sluttish around you, that I should just be myself. What they didn't understand, however, was how that being myself wasn't good enough for you. Even though I thought that, I never thought that I was changing myself just to be someone that you liked. Ridiculous.

Yet as time went on, and you went back to where you came from, back to the city you were working in, I heard less and less of you. You came to visit every summer, spring, and winter, to stay with us Weasleys like you used to. But the winter visit, everything between us changed.

I was drawn to you. And I'm not trying to blame you for what happened- I know that it's partly my fault for making the choice I did. We fooled around, to put it bluntly. And you seemed so… I don't know. It wasn't your fault that I fell in love with you. I guess that you thought it was strictly a fun thing. Guess you never realized that I believe it to be more.

That's why I was so angry at first. Angry at myself, for being so foolish, for being attracted to you like that.

And the next visit we barely talked. And the one after that, well, I guess I never made it clear to you that whatever we were, we were done.

And you thought you could just waltz right back into my life, pick me up again, play with me, put me down, like some Barbie doll. And I told you that day, Harry James Potter, that I, Ginny Weasley would never take you back. And I've keep firm to my promise, and my lips are locked tightly on the true reason.

And we're friends now, I think. I told Ron everything. He understood, and said that you and him were drawing apart, too. He saw the difference in you, and he liked it as much as I did.

But if you're truly out of my life, except as a friend, why do I run to the door when the post arrives, hoping it's somehow you? Why, if I was the one that swore you off, do I die a little inside every time that you wrote about a new girl? Why do I care for you?

Because you are my weakness. Me, the strong, the sensible, Ginny Weasley, who had no weaknesses. You've found it. And it's tearing me up inside.

And I've given up on you now. When the post comes, I don't run eagerly to get it, straight from the owl's beak. When there's a knock on the door, I don't think that it's you somehow, on a surprise visit.

But when I see your picture on the mantle at Ron's house, your eyes are always watching me. Mocking me. Laughing at me. Like you used to laugh at me, cruelly, when I said something that you found stupid. Telling me what I already know- that you aren't mine, that you never were, and that you never will be.

And now I understand,a line I heardfroma muggle movie I watched at Hermione's house.

_I've died a little bit each day since you've come back into my life._

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**END Ginny/Harry, if you haven't already guessed.**

**A/N: Ginny's POV, I think it's pretty self-explanatory. Did you like it? Did you hate it? All thoughts and criticism welcome.**


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